In life there are those individuals we talk to daily, even face to face; so close we can touch them yet we feel so far away from each other. Emotionally it is as though miles separate us. On the surface we look like companions but in reality we are strangers. There’s a distance, and although we talk we don’t truly connect. Each person says what they feel is safe for them to share, never delving too deep nor sharing their true feelings – unsure if they will even be understood.
Yes, we communicate but how much of the communication is real?
Each of us wants to be acknowledged and understood yet we keep a barrier between us and those around us. We try to protect ourselves from the judgements of those around us. And although we sit back and laugh with those we accompany, we feel like strangers. It is a facade that the world sees, our true self is hidden layers beneath. Of course, we be real with those we relate with but we consciously hide our inner selves. We allow conversations to remain on a superficial level, talking about work, the weather even politics but steering them away from our fears, hopes and expectations.
It’s quite a parodox. On one hand we want to be accepted for who we are but equally we are terrified of allowing others to see who we really are.
Fears. We all have them. Fear of being rejected. Fear once we show how vulnerable we are we will be seen as weak and taken advantage of. Fear of sharing our deep selves with and trusting someone because they might leave or break our trust.
We can all sit and imagine the worst case scenarios. What if I scare the person away? What if I am judged? What if I trust the person and they break my heart? What if the person stops liking me.
Let me tell you something.
We all have fears. Yes, every single person. We have all been hurt. We all want to be loved and accepted. Of course we all go about it in different ways. Some of us are willing to seek out relationships and to share our hearts. These are the brave ones. Their hearts are shattered but they still believe in relationships. Then there are those of you like me who analyse relationships. Is it safe to share another part of my self? Shall I see how much this person can tolerate of me? There are so many defence mechanisms that the process to gaining someone’s trust is very lengthy. We get along with others but when it comes to verbally letting others know how much they mean to us. We freeze.
Life passes by. We spend time with others but we never tell them how much they really mean to us. We are scared feelings will not be reciprocated, we may be mocked and it will be embarrasing. It’s complicated. Opening our hearts means showing our vulnerable side. Exposing ourselves. It is terrifying. And to protect our selves we leave words unsaid. They mean a lot to us. These words are genuine and from our heart. The feelings are intense. Yet we don’t share these feelings with the person who matters.
I now ask myself these questions instead:
What if I never get the chance to say what’s in my heart? What if the person never realises how sorry I truly am? What if they never know how much I truly love them, how much I appreciate them?
It is okay to let the person know how you feel whether it’s your hopes in them or your fear of losing them. Life is short. This moment is all you have. The future is not promised. Your path may not cross with the person again. This could be the last moment you have together. You may not get a chance to say these words. Words are powerful. It could mean so much to the other person. Think of it would you not want to hear someone tell you how much you mean to them and how they hope you remain in their life for ever? I know I’d find these words touching. I would feel I mean something to someone.
I have come to learn through life the unfortunate person is not the one with a low wage, no fame and a standard car but rather the unfortunate person is he who has wealth in abundance, surrounded by people and fame yet lonely; feeling empty and yearning to be seen as an individual and accepted. No one will ever know they are loved and appreciated unless they are told and shown. Relationships are meaningless if we don’t talk about things close to our heart and express our love and hopes to each other.
So go and tell the person how much they mean to you. Don’t leave your words unspoken. Unspoken words only lead to regret. There’s something risky yet equally powerful and pure about speaking from the heart.
Love you all.
The Lady in the Purple Hijab.