Ramadans have drastically changed for me since the birth of my first child.
They don’t even feel like Ramadans anymore.
First Ramadan my baby was a newborn.
Second, I was breastfeeding my 13 months old toddler. I did fast. But couldn’t worship much.
I always had one constant goal for Ramadan before Marriage : Finish recitation of entire Quran with translation.
That didn’t happen the last two years.
And this year too it doesn’t look doable.
But I will let the guilt go. I will stop brooding over it.
I am not fasting this Ramadan. Being anemic, weak and 7 months pregnant I will take the leave granted by Allah.
And I will not obsess about what I am missing out. Instead I will focus on what I CAN do.
My toddler is 2 years old now.
This the very do-able goals list I have prepared before Ramadan for myself.
1. I will not get angry at my toddler. I will not scream at him.
2. I will try to talk to him mostly about Ramadan and Islam. I will narrate to him islamic stories and read islamic poems to him.
3. I will not read other books and try to read only Islamic books and Quran.
4. I will try to pray all my fard salahs on time. I will also try to pray duha prayer everyday along with all sunnah prayers.
5. I will not waste my time on social media.
6. I will try to make full use of dua acceptance times( suhoor n iftar) and make lots and lots of dua.
7. I will try to read a little Quran everyday with no rush to “finish” it.
8. I will try to control my tongue and temper as much as possible and be gentle and polite with all my family members.
9. I will read Surah mulk, Surah Sajdah and Surah Isra every night.
10. I will try to make sincere tawbah and astaghfar everyday.
11. Every friday we go out for shopping or outing but I plan to stay home all fridays this Ramadan and use the time for ibadah instead.
That’s it. No big aims, no disappointments.
When you make big plans and your kids ruin them, you tend to get angry at them and take out your frustration on them.
This is so wrong and goes completely against the spirit of Ramadan. Ramadan is all about mercy and forgiveness.
Therefore, I will let Ramadan be a positive experience for my toddler, teaching him as much as I can about it and involving him and including him in all activities instead of constantly trying to avoid him just to get my ibadah done.
Ramadans used to be only about me. My worship, my ibadah.
For few years now, I will let them be about my children. It won’t be about how much worship I can do but rather how much I can teach my kids about Allah and his Messenger(P.B.U.H.) In sha Allah.
May Allah make me succesful in this endeavour.
I would also like to make dua for all the sisters who are sailing in the same boat as me.
May Allah make it easy for all the pregnant ladies who are fasting this Ramadan.
May Allah make it easy for all the breasfeeding and fasting mothers.
May Allah make it easy for all the mothers of babies and toddlers.
May we overcome the constant guilt and embrace our new roles and responsibilities with ease. Ameen.