Pained, but not broken; shattered but not demolished.
Itâ€™s difficult for strong personalities to embody a pained heart. For myself it is a constant struggle to accept the grieving process – that comes along with dard-e-dil (a pained heart, a heartâ€™s pain). It is a foreign concept that leaves me feeling obliterated, as if healing is a process of giving up something valuable. Itâ€™s as if there is more sukoon; relief in being udas, dukhi and na kush than in finding happiness. But who else would better know the satisfaction of having misery as company than the one who knowâ€™s nothing but pain. There is more comfort in exploring familiar places because we find strength in what we know. Â It is far too challenging to find happiness, Â by Â stepping out into a world that is completely anjaan; unknown.
While it may not be in our hands, we hold ourselves accountable and deserving of this pain. Somehow staying in this state of agony is a punishment for us not being more careful, more aware when attaching our souls to another. Who was to know that loving , feeling and wanting the wrong person; or loving in the wrong way could be a punishable offence. Yet if given a chance to start over the strongest of all would say ; just as Khalid Hosseini did in the Kite Runner :
â€œFor you, Â A thousand times overâ€ Â
Regardless of how horrifying it is to walk around with a wounded heart, it is quite difficult to separate oneself from the very being that caused that misery. Faiz Ahmed Faiz once said :
ØªÙ…ÛØ§Ø±ÛŒ ÛŒØ§Ø¯ Ú©Û’ Ø¬Ø¨ Ø²Ø®Ù… Ø¨Ú¾Ø±Ù†Û’ Ù„Ú¯ØªÛ’ ÛÛŒÚº Ú©Ø³ÛŒ Ø¨ÛØ§Ù†Û’ ØªÙ…ÛÛŒÚº ÛŒØ§Ø¯ Ú©Ø±Ù†Û’ Ù„Ú¯ØªÛ’ ÛÛŒÚºÛ”
â€œTumhari yaad ke jab zakhm bharne lagte hain, Â kissi bahane tumhein yaad karne lagte hainâ€
When my wounds caused by your remembrance begin to heal, I find an excuse to think of you once again.
Call it a curse, or an unfortunate fate, for those who have taken the route of falling helplessly in love this dardh is
A Beautiful Fate.