A Perfect Husband

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perfect husbandبِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Gentlemen, have you wondered, “what a woman desires?!” Ladies, let’s discuss, “How should a perfect husband be?” What kind of person would you love to marry? For those of us who are married, what were/are your expectations from your life partner? Is he a romantic hero who would sweep you off the floor with his charm? Or, are you expecting him to shower love on you with roses and chocolates! I am sure every woman has her definition of Prince Charming/ Superman. Does anyone really fit in?

Having seen marriage of a near and dear ones break, I had lost trust in marriage. When it was my turn to get married, I was scared. I wondered, “How should a perfect husband be?” The romantic hero seen in movies appeared to be an immodest flirt. I was sure such would continue to woo other women too. I was looking for a real human not a superman. A husband should cater to physical, emotional and financial needs of a wife. Unfortunately, many have failed in one or all these aspects. Men mostly seem incapable of expressing love. Do you know your partner’s likes and dislikes? Can you recognize your spouse’s developing anger? How many activities do you do together? Thankfully, I learnt about a person who reassured my faith in marriage.

My search led me to take interest in life of a modest man. His wife didn’t have to search for a reason/activity to get his attention. At home he readily made himself available for her. He would help her with the household chores! Love needs to grow in a marriage. Occasional showering of gifts/flowers cannot replace the interaction required to nurture plant of love. Unlike most men he listened attentively to his wife. What else could be better to prove a man’s love than caring for every word his wife utters. He could make out his wife’s slightest expression of anger! When she is upset, he consoled her. He saw to it that, no one hurt his wife, including her family even if it was in his favor! He didn’t ignore his wife’s whims and fancies. In short, he used every chance to shower her with affection. He was not amidst those who would forget their wife at the time of honor. He saw to it she had same privileges as him. No person is devoid of human flaws. He didn’t make big deal of his wife’s flaw and rectified it with love!!!  A wife hopes her spouse cares for her parents and extended family the way she does. Our hero respected and cared for his wife’s relatives even after her death! Do you think a busy successful person cannot be like that? Does this make him appear as someone unsuccessful in life? Contrary to that, he is the most successful person ever. This humble king even sought his wife’s advice in important matters. He was none other our beloved Prophet ().  This unlettered Prophet ()  was wise enough to state.

best of you

With an open mind let us see how exactly he treated his wives. Gentlemen here are some tips to increase sweetness in a married life. 😉 Our Prophet () was indeed a perfect HUSBAND!!

humbleprophet served his family

 Most of us struggle to find quality time with our husband. Either spouses are too busy or emotionally void. Helping one another in everyday activities could keep love fresh and strong.

ultimate listener (1)

Once, Aisha (RA) narrated a story of 11 women. It is a lengthy hadith where in each women relates about her husband. Prophet ()   listened to her without showing any signs of fatigue or boredom. He didn’t interrupt her and finally related “I am to you as Abu Zar was to his wife.” [Shahi Al Bukhari]

I have not included the entire hadith here due to its length. Indeed one who reads this hadith could make out how attentive was the Prophet ()   to his wife!

During Hudaibiya treaty, Shabas were disappointed that they can’t perform umrah that year. None proceeded to sacrifice. Umm salamah (r.a)  said, “O the Prophet () of Allah! Do you want your order to be carried out? Go out and don’t say a word to anybody till you have slaughtered your sacrifice and call your barber to shave your head.” The Prophet () followed her advice. When the sahabas saw what their Rasool () had done, they copied him with zeal. [Shahih al Bukhari]

Our Prophet () didn’t feel inhibited to follow a wise advise of a woman.

Scintillating rectifier

jealous wifeThere is no mention of him being angry at Ayesha RA. He realized her love for him had made her jealous. How wisely he handled the situation?!

benevolent

prophet's treatment to wife's relatives

Subhan Allah, his () love and respect for his wife Khadija (May Allah be pleased with her) extended even after her death. He continued to maintain ties with her family and friends.

Anger recognizer

Recognizing wife's anger

Mother of believers Ayesha (RA) hardly did anything to express her anger. Just one different word was enough for our dear Prophet () to recognize her anger. He didn’t ignore it, but mentioned this to his beloved wife. Subhan Allah.

never abused

never abuse a wife

Our brave prophet (), who commanded armies, was always kind to his wives and those who served him!

Desirable

Feeling Desirable

With such open verbal expression of love, a wife would feel happy, secure and contended.

—————————————————————————-

Handsome is what Handsome does. Now, could there be any one more handsome than our prophet? Are you amazed at prophet’s treatment towards his wives? I have just mentioned few of my favorite hadiths. He was much more pleasing. He entertained and played with them too. So, what kind of partner would you like? How about following our Prophet’s ()  advice?

Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet ()  who said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

With this hadith in mind, I had prayed for a religious man. Our choice for a spouse has a great impact on our future and our children’s future!  Only a man with Taqwa (God consciousness) can try his best to cater physical, emotional and financial needs of his wife and children. My hubby may not be the best man ever, but, Alhamdulillah he is the best man I know. One of the things I love about him is, the way he cares for our children. He doesn’t fuss when it comes to helping me with kids. This gives me extra time to learn, memorize and blog.

Ladies, pay heed. No one is perfect. There are times when I am angry /disappointed with my hubby. That’s when I remember:

women in hell

Yes, that’s scary. Indeed my husband’s merits outweigh his shortcomings. Life is too precious to be wasted on arguments for trivial things. When upset I recollect some of the lovely things he did for me. This melts my anger away. (Mostly) Then, I think of my flaws. Honestly, he rarely complains about them. This really turns my anger into appreciation for him.

Remember ladies, no one can be a better husband than our Prophet Muhammed (). Blessed is a lady, whose husband aspires to be like Prophet () was to his wife.  Support him when he practices any sunnah (prophetic mode of life). With time, he would make Prophet () his role model. This would be a huge blessing for a wife.

For those of us who are married we can still strengthen bonds of love by ignoring the past. Let us help one another grow spiritual. May our bonding with Allah help us establish a place in heaven together.

residing in heaven as a family

This is where our concern should be. Are you the one who wakes your spouse for fajr? Do you request your spouse to accompany you to a movie or an Islamic class? Do you relax with music or qirat?

Aim for the true eternal love.

Haya

Haya

A Muslimah using pen to spread her wings with an aim to reach high ranks of Jannah. This home maker loves to see her readers taste the beauty of Islam. May Allah accept her efforts. Ameen.
Haya
Showing 12 comments
  • Sofia

    Great peice. Excellent reminders about what to look for in a husband too, may we all be blessed with pious spouses in sha Allah ameen. When a man has deen, and loves you for the sake of Allah surely beautiful things will come of it 🙂

  • Rabia S.

    Nowadays women are too much looking for a wealthy man and forget to check his spirituality. The costs of a wedding in most of the Muslim countries are ridiculous high. Isn’t it haram to spend so much money just for one day? Husband and wife should complete each other and while a good wife should always encourage her husband to give his best, he should do the same. Gender roles are often seen too strong. There is a lot of flexibility within a marriage and a mature couple knows how to use this range. A real Muslim husband is in fact the ideal the misleaded Western emancipation wants to reach. Arguments should be solved in a calm way and finish before sleeping. A couple also should never stop to laugh together as humour is the spice in life and makes it a lot easier. When I got married, I was first looking for a pious man, grounded in Islam. And the sense of humour was of course also important for me. Smiling is sunnah, isn’t it?
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    • Haya

      It grieves me to see, what one expects from a future spouse. We need to speak out on, advantageous of seeking a piotious life partner.

      Yes! Humor does spice up life. More than a partner with a sense of humor, we need to be the one who sees humor in sticky situation. Just laugh and let go. Most of the arguments would appear funny while recollecting in future.
      Haya recently posted…A Perfect husbandMy Profile

  • Fatima

    I believe that a man who is religious and inclined towards God and the religion is prone to fulfil his duties towards his wife and family. It is best to opt for such men rather than those who don’t and are far from religion.

  • admin

    I think some people have forgotten what marriage is about. And wealth, homes and flash cars seem to take precedent in what they are looking for. But wealth won’t make them happy alone.

    And as a married woman it can be so easy to focus on the faults of the husband rather than concentrate on the positives. I am guilty of that….but then we all have faults. (Fozia)
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    • Haya

      Sadly, practising Muslim is not the most sought after groom! They are left for like minded brides 😉

      We are all humans with faults. May Allah grant us patience, forgive us and help us improve. Aameen
      Haya recently posted…A Perfect husbandMy Profile

  • ayeina

    Not yet married and jut like every girl the thought of my marriage not working out scares me
    What I know is we should not be expecting tooo much from our spouse as they are human beings there are going to be things you might like about them somethings you will have to get used to
    I can go on and on about this topic 😛
    but last thing is especially if you are very religiously practicing you expect your husband to be he same which is not going to be the case every time so as a female instead of nagging him all the time you have to be patient and try to change your husband first of all by your actions by being the best wife ever and praying for him secretly

  • Iman

    It’s so important to remember the important things – we often forget just how much they do and when we stop to think about it, after having just lost our temper for something trivial, we realise that their imperfections are few and far between and are actually things that we would miss if they didn’t exist anymore! SubhanAllah
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  • Najmah Capal

    I’m gonna bookmark this post. I’m not yet married and honestly seeing so many broken marriages, even from my close family, made me scared of having a broken marriage as well. But, I’ve noticed that it’s lack of understanding, pride and not supporting or trusting each other are the common reasons of having broken marriage.

    I adore husbands and wives who support each other, even when it comes to household chores. Men who help their women in household chores won’t make them less of a man but unfortunately many men think that way.

    May Allah grant us pious, righteous and understanding spouses. And for those who are already married, may Allah bless your marriage more strength, love and blessings.

  • Khansa

    I have seen mostly posts or articles how a wife should be so and so…Have come across only a few articles that describe how a good husband should be. And your post is a must read. I love the way you compared it with our beloved prophet (saw). And the quoting of hadiths make your points stronger.
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