I’ve personally never felt more isolated and guilty than after becoming a mother and having to care for a baby in the month of Ramadan. We always have hopes and dreams of spending every valuable hour during Ramadan days and nights towards ibaadah, worship, or doing good. Yet reality hits us hard. We have children nagging us all day, our patience runs thin, and by the end of a day of fasting, we are simply exhausted. So how does a mother try to make her Ramadan fulfilling?
The biggest and most important thing to remember is your intention. Just changing the way we look at things can make all the difference. As the Prophet saws explained, “Definitely, all actions are (judged) by intentions”.
Therefore, even the smallest task you do, whether as a wife, a mother, and so on, can become a good deed. Feeding our kids, teaching them, cleaning them up, spending time with them, keeping patience with them, may seem mundane. But with a change in intention, like “I am caring for my children and being the best mother I can for them, for the sake of Allah” would give you reward, inshaAllah.
Knowing this, my days in Ramadan don’t just appear to be worthless, but rather, a little more valuable.
Take Care of Yourself
Often when we care for our families, we neglect ourselves. This is so true in a mother’s case, as she puts others before herself…often never finding the time to give herself attention. I am guilty of this just as many others will also admit. However, finding five minutes of quiet time, or eating proper iftar and hydrating throughout the night for example, can help in many ways.
A renewed sense of energy, of purpose and dedication, can come about after just a few moments of self-care. It’s important to remember this in a month when we are focused on cooking food, doing activities with our kids, running to and from the masjid, and all the hussle and bussle of Ramadan.
While this tip is great all year round, it’s particularly important in Ramadan. Because of the crazy schedule, late night prayers, sleeping during the day time, and so on, we often wonder when we will get actual time for our personal ibaadah, our tahajjud, our reflections.
Plan it out with your spouse to have him handle things around the house so you can get your hour, or even ten minutes, of solitude. Make a schedule of the entire month to see when you would be able to focus more on yourself based on everyone else’s schedule. Purposefully scheduling in time for yourself means that you can’t keep making excuses by saying you are “just too busy”.
Focus on Small Things
This is a big reminder to myself because we do get caught up in wanting to achieve big things in Ramadan. Instead of planning for these big goals and not being able to attain them, it’s actually easier to focus on small goals.
Simple things like memorizing an ayah a day, or reading a few pages of translation of the Qur’an, a few pages of a reflective book, creating a gratitude jar, making du’aa and thikr throughout the day, are easier to handle. We are mothers, after all, and having big goals will simply overwhelm us instead of motivating us.
Involve your Family
My last tip is so involve the family so that you don’t feel you are struggling all by yourself. Make Ramadan more about creating a stronger bond together with the family to get closer to Allah. This will help make it easier to do more good.
Examples that you can incorporate in your home are having suhoor and iftar together, preparing for iftar as a family, praying together, travelling to taraweeh together, cooking for the needy or the neighbors, prepping for Eid, and so much more. These small things that you can do together have big impact on the family and you will feel much happier as a mother to know that everyone feels the Ramadan spirit in the home.
Being a mother doesn’t mean our Ramadan has to be worthless. Yes, we are busy, and yes, it’s often difficult to find time for prayer and reflection. Yet there are many ways a mother’s day and nights can become more valuable, as these tips have shown. May Allah grant us the ability to perform to our best abilities, grant barakah in our time, and make this the best Ramadan yet.
Rubina is a mom to two beautiful children, wife to an awesome husband, a culinary fanatic and natural lifestyle enthusiast. Her world is full of laughter, tumbles, fresh air, great cooking, cuddles and fun. You can find her blogging at All Floured Up.