Being misunderstood is awful. Not only is what you say taken out of context or completely dismissed; it is also very lonely.
The more you are in touch with who you are, the more you step away to reflect on what life means to you, the more lonely you become. Misunderstood. People only understand from their level of open mindedness. You being misunderstood does not equate to something being ‘wrong’ with you. That voice that tells you so in your mind isn’t even yours. It’s the voice of those who have always tried to take you away from your path. You’ve heard their voice so frequently that it has found a place in your mind. Now you doubt yourself. You doubt who you are. You doubt if your path will lead any where.
‘Is something wrong with me?’ You ask yourself.
Gosh no! If anything, it shows just how deep you are. How you aren’t just living and going through phases. For you life isn’t just about visiting new restaurants and living the high life. It does get your attention but not for long. There is some enjoyment to it. Yes. But there’s something you are searching that you don’t find here. You’ve always been seeking more. Truth. Meaning. Authenticity. Depth. You’ve looked for meaning in books, poetry and conversations. Even in nature. Your eyes take in the beauty around you; the messages encrypted and hidden around you. You want to be moved.
It’s a lonely journey being around many people who are happy to survive, happy to find temporary fulfilment in things. Family can feel like strangers. Conversations seem so bland. Your own company feels so comforting yet so lonely to not be able to share this with another.
You are misunderstood as weird, sensitive or anti social. Seen as a rebel or dreamer. They want you to dance to their song yet little do they know you have always been composing your own symphony, your own song. They look at you and think you’re mad but little do they know what you know. They don’t hear the music they catch you dancing to. And maybe they never will. Maybe this is the journey of one who thinks so deeply; the journey of one always seeking more than this world can offer. You see all the sparkle, the photo shoots and social expectations and you wonder where do I fit in? How come nothing moves me? Where is my home?
The more you listen to those telling you it’s time you changed, you do start to wonder maybe it is time. Time to start wearing a mask. Time to settle for whatever is present right here. Time to lie to yourself that this is enough.
But you find yourself still holding on. You hold on to your intuition; that voice of truth within. It may just be a whisper. But you hear it. You know you can’t settle. You aren’t here to just exist. To just be another being. You haven’t come to wear the mask of the character they want you to be; nor to act the part they have written for you. And even before you read this post you knew deep down you aren’t here to settle. No. This won’t ever be enough. It’s not good enough. Not for you at least.
You have your own story to write. It won’t be perfect. It won’t be conventional. But it will be yours. A story full of depth and meaning. A story wherein you ponder about life and set out to find what it means to you. A story where you battle the dragons of social expectations to protect your identity. A story where you eventually find your calling.
There is something wrong. Something terribly wrong with the world. It is too harsh for someone as real as you.
Lots of Love
Lady in the Purple Hijab